Reason #26

In your dictation tape, you say thinks like "David apostrophe s company" instead of "David's company."

I think I can handle possessive nouns.  And it takes longer to transcribe shit when you use say twice as many words as necessary.


And you referred to South Pasadena as "South Pas."

Who says that? 

You'll take the time to say "David apostrophe s company" instead of "David's company" but you can't be bothered to say "South Pasadena" because why, exactly?

Reason #25

You did not just clarify for me in your dictation tape that Sunset Plaza Drive "is three words."

Reason #24

To paraphrase Tom-Tom, head of the Six Chicks, from the movie 13 Going On 30, "I don't need a play by play."

I don't need to know that you're on your way into the office.  I'm going to assume that you are coming to work each day unless you tell me otherwise.   You don't need to email me or call me to let me know that you are in fact coming to work. 

And those times that you do call to tell me you're on your way in (which you don't need to do), you don't need to ask me if anyone is looking for you or if there is anything going on.  If there was, I would have contacted you to tell you so.

When you arrive to work, I don't need you to call me or email me to tell me that you are here.  (Especially since your voice is so loud that I can hear you all the way down the hall anyway.)

I don't need to know that you are going to Starbucks, are at Starbucks, or are on your way back from Starbucks.  Unless you're getting me a latte, I don't care.

I don't need to know that you are getting on a conference call, have a lunch at noon, or are going to a meeting.  Unless these things involve me in some way (you need me to prepare documents for you, you need me to make a lunch reservation, etc.) I don't need to know your every move.  Seriously.

If you're stepping out of the office to grab a coffee, or for a lunch meeting, I don't need to know this.  You only need to tell the Receptionist this so she knows how to handle your incoming calls.

I really don't need a play-by-play.

Reason #23

Several months ago we discussed that you were going to eventually need a second file cabinet because yours was quickly filling up.  We even discussed what type of file cabinet you wanted - one just like the current cabinet, that way they would fit nicely next to each other in that space and it wouldn't block the view out your windows.

And even though you're a notoriously messy person who has crap laying all over her desk and around her desk and on the floor by her desk and all over the top of your filing cabinet, you suddenly got a burr in your saddle and you needed that filing cabinet now.   You and I emailed about it; I assured you via email that I had put in the request for your filing cabinet; the Office Manager confirmed via email we were getting it.

So we put the cabinet in your office, I put your files away, all is well in your messy office, oui?

Mais no!  Someone else in the office says that you are now saying you never said you wanted a file cabinet, you just wanted some boxes.  And you don't want that file cabinet, you want a bigger, taller one.  Uh, should we have a formal hearing on this so I can testify to you and I discussing not only that you wanted a file cabinet but exactly what kind you wanted?  And then as Exhibit A we can produce the emails wherein we all discussed your desire to have a file cabinet?

Where's that pencil? I need to stab myself in the eye.

Reason #22

You gave me your timesheet proof with some changes that you wanted to make.

You had some changes to DOE.
You changed SMITH's time from .30 to .20.

I gave you the revised timesheet and you gave it back with more revisions.

You had some more changes for DOE.
You changed SMITH's time from .20 back to .30.

Seriously? I just went into our timekeeper program TWICE for a job that could have been done ONCE?  If you want several changes on DOE, give them to me all at once.  Don't give them to me, have me change them, and then have me add some more crap.  Give me all of your changes.  And if you aren't sure if there is more you want to change, don't give me the proof until you've made all the changes you want.

And if you wanted SMITH's time to be .30 then don't tell me to change it, that way you won't have to tell me to change it back.

How have I not stabbed myself in the eye with a pencil yet?

Reason #21

Your first email said:   "...make the revisions at your earliest convenience."

Your next email said:   "Can I please have this after lunch?  It has to go out today."

So which is it? At my convenience or after lunch?

Reason #20

While discussing an upcoming project,  you threw out the comment, "I don't like to give you things last minute."

Yet two other people in the office have told me that you were looking for me the other day at 5:45, asking them if I had gone home already because I hadn't answered the email you sent me, asking me to do something.  When they told you yes, I had gone home, you were surprised.  Even though the assistants leave at 5:30.  Are they sometimes in the office after 5:30? Yes, on occasion, if a project calls for it, but in general we walk out at 5:30.

So explain to me how a 5:45 project isn't giving me things at the last minute?

And is it "last minute" if you email me less than 5 minutes before you go on a conference call to say you need a stack of documents printed before you go on the call?  Because that seems kind of last minute, too.